Available…for His glory.

There are days that I feel completely humbled here. Some days it’s simple things like misunderstanding someone speaking Spanish or trying to speak Spanish and being frustrated because I just can’t say what I desire to say. Sometimes it is just because I feel completely unable to do tasks. Whether it is sharing the word on my Thursday morning or giving my testimony to a team. It seems larger than me. I understand this is a good place to be in. I don’t want to ever feel able. Because apart from HIM making me able I know I’d be doing it on my own. So I continually feel a slight imbalance in my days. More so here than I think any other time since I lived in California or did camps in the summers.
Sometimes I am humbled just from the joy of being with my girls. The days when there is just fun and laughter. When the girls just work. And listen. Those moments like this morning when it seems everyone is being helpful and nice. It’s just good. They frustrate me in ways I cannot explain. But they bring me great joy I cannot explain. The way they forgive and try to help me is humbling. The way they say they miss me when I’m gone half a day. And not because they want something but simply because they mean it. It humbles me too to know about the kids who seem to hate my guts. One of them doesn’t even want to have my hand touch hers when I hand her medicine. I say this humbles me because it reminds me that this is not about me. I cannot base my decisions or actions on the reactions of others. Whether the actions I desire or the actions I get. It’s about simply doing what He requires. It’s all about Him.
But today is a different kind of humble. It’s the humbling from Christ in others. I am grateful to be surrounded by staff and volunteers that shine Jesus in such a way that I often see myself in His light. You know how you can be with people who love Jesus in a way that makes you long to know Him more? How you can be with people that make you realize anew simple things like keeping your mouth shut when you just wanna run it. Or remind you just to serve others. Pray for others. To Not be afraid to step out in a new way. To not be afraid to get into another person’s life, even if it means you will be frustrated tired or sometimes slightly clueless about what to do. To love others like Jesus.
Because in the midst of all these things is life change. Is Christ. The Father’s heart.
I am thankful for the Holy Spirit speaking in quiet and sometimes loud ways through these people. For his provision to my heart and soul. Not simply my physical needs.
I am grateful for each day here. If I don’t learn something, then there is something wrong. If I don’t find a person to speak love and kindness to, then there is something wrong. If I don’t feel uncomfortable at some point during the day, odds are high then there is something wrong. If I don’t learn something from God’s word then I know I just probably didn’t listen.
Because the thing is, I am selfish. I am stubborn. I am afraid. My mouth is too big. My heart is often too small. We all have our “things”. Even though I am a “missionary” in Honduras I am still a person. Just trying to seek Him. Be like Him. And somehow be used by Him to glorify His name.
So I am grateful for those others who are iron in my life. To sharpen me. Who pray for me. Who are real to my blah ways. Who remind me of His Truth. So grateful my heart is just full today. For my global #village. Here at Emmanuel. At home. In other places around the world. So grateful that words just don’t do God’s goodness worth. I pray The Lord blesses each of you and the others who just shine Jesus to me in great return for how you’ve blessed and changed me.