As long as I am in control I don’t have control issues.
Somehow I realized that on the way home to my friends house where I been vacationing (read-house/dog sitting with tv,tub, internet). Maybe its because today I was completly overwhelmed-firehose in the face sorta feeling. Add on top of that the pile of voicemails and phone messages I have to return in the morning. I believe it is 11 when I left at 530. Add in the paperwork piled on my desk. And the folks I need to call that weren’t phone messages.
Glory. Come on Jesus. Not in a “rescue me” sort of way. But “PLEASE lead me in the middle of all this.” For knowing when to cut loose and take a breather before I break. (Break in a bad way, not God way).
And I realized that while being in such a dependant place on God’s strength in what seems like moment by moment is amazing and great. I really don’t like it. It makes me squirm. It makes my heart hurt at times.
But man How I love God’s timing. To sit with a group of sisters in Christ to discuss the beatitudes. And asking to pray when I so don’t “feel” like it in front of them. To realize that that indeed is where my heart soars. I love praying. And funny thing is that I don’t know how to censor what I say. So I start with “thank you” and somehow using the word “ridiculousness” in the same sentence. And when I left I feel a little lighter. A little more focused. And hearing how God wants me to not be in control.
And see how being in this place is ok. Even if it crushes me. As long as my face is looking up to him-focused on Him…it. Will. Be. Okay.
Because He. Is. I. AM. And I am sure not. He’s got the plan. And He has me in His hand.
Yes.
Now for a little downtime with the word. A little Radical reading. And a tub shaped time of amazing chilling.
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