Here comes my monthly post…Since it's only the 19th there is hope that maybe I will blog twice this month. Probably not.
Have you guys seen Timehop? The app that tells you what you posted a year ago, 2 years ago, etc? It's a fun little tool. Shows you what photos are on your phone from a year ago too. Well, it posted a blog post from 4 years back. I went and read it and I realized it is kind of sort of the same place I feel today in some ways. Evidently it stirred up some feelings and I got a big response from folks who felt the same, touched by it, shared thanks for my honesty and some other things. Then I posted a couple of follow up blogs to it.
I will post a link to it at the bottom, but I spoke about broken dreams, listening to lies more than the truth, things that we struggle with no matter what life stage we are in. And the reverberations showed that in all this we really are not alone. I posted this from my friend Buffie and thought I would share again:
"We hunger to be known and understood. We hunger to be loved. We hunger to be at peace inside our own skins. We hunger not just to be fed these things but, often without realizing it, we hunger to feed others these things because they too are starving for them. We hunger not just to be loved but to love, not just to be forgiven but to forgive, not just to be known and understood for all the good times and bad times that for better for worse have made us who we are, but to know and understand each other to the same point of seeing that, in the last analysis, we all have the same good times, the same bad times, and that for that very reason there is no such thing in all the world as anyone who is really a stranger.”
~Buechner"
My life in Honduras is often solitary. I know I live in the midst of 508 kids, 57 staff and their kids, and about 25 volunteers. But with here at the end of the day, or like today, at the end of my 20th day of work in a row, I just want to go home, eat, take a shower and go to bed. And some days that feels lonely. I see the hunger for love from my kids, I hear the hunger for community from my longer term volunteers, some of the staff. Sometimes its a hunger just for bible study in english. For truth from God's word that sometimes we don't know how to find. And I have a choice to try to fight for truth, love, hope, community, and encouragement. Or I can choose to go home and go to bed. I find so often the very thing we need is the very thing we need to give away and somehow in the giving away we find just what we need.
I know. You'll have to read that last sentence a couple of times. Hope it makes sense.
So today on my crazy monday I spent the afternoon trying to get ready for the girl volunteer bible study we were having tonight. And of course all sorts of things came up, crazy stuff. So I dealt with it, kept taking notes, and getting ready. Then got to my house, cleaned up, and took a shower. And waited. One girl came over asking if she was even at the right time. She is here with her husband and kids and heard we were having bible study and wanted to come. So she sat down and we just started talking while we waited.
And waited. And waited. And then I got texts that no one was coming. People were tired and just couldn't make it.
And I had a choice. Be ill that I am spending part of my night before my day off waiting for people who weren't coming after I had prepared for them to come. People who had a whole day off yesterday and get a day off every week but were too tired after one day of work. (I get one every 21 days so i tend to be a little jealous of those days).
OR I could be thankful that I got to spend time listening to the Holy Spirit leading me through studying what we do to combat fear in our lives. Thankful for the one on one time with the girl who showed up. Thankful that I have had a shower and my house is kinda clean for my day off tomorrow. And thankful that next monday when we have bible study again my notes are already done.
We all have choices. We can choose to see things with eyes of the Father…eyes that see hope in heaven, a life that's temporary, lives that are broken but can be repaired in His love, peace for lives in turmoil or in the midst of chaos, grace and mercy for those in need of it.
Or we can see things with our eyes that often see things darker, dimmer, a little more selfishly. More critical and wanting what we think is Justice.
What I am slowly learning is this…
I have to choose Him.
I have to choose to do what He says. Even when everything in me wants to run the other way, take the easy way, or chicken out because it is hard.
I have to choose His way…always the best way. Because His way is love and it never fails.
He says I am not alone. Even when I feel completely lonely. Because he never leaves.
He says I am loved. Even when I don't feel like it. Because He loves me.
He says hope in Him. That one day this life will be over and it will be like mist and we will understand that..so wait for eternal life with Him, work like it is coming tomorrow, anticipate seeing Him face to face.
He says bring me your junk, approach the throne of His grace and mercy to find what you need. Not because you have it together but because you can. And you will only find what you need in Him.
He says we are in this together so let's do what we should to encourage one another in Christ to be more like Him today. And tell everyone we can about Him so they can join in the family. Because His family is the best.
He says we are in this for His glory, so I pray my life would reflect that. I constantly see how I was dead in my sin and junk and He called me to life. Last I checked dead people can't do much to change being dead. He is full of power, redemption, love, grace, hope, and life. So let's give Him the credit…it relieves us of the feeling we have to compete with one another somehow. It's just all Him and all glory goes to Him.
He says hear me. Believe me. Trust me. Sometimes I think we only relate this to salvation. But the more time goes by the more I realize there's a lot of stuff in His word that is difficult to believe when we've spent a lot of time listening to the world and to lies. Hard stuff and sweet stuff. And I have to daily trust Him in it.
I think back to my walk to Emmaus when the movie we watched showed one disciple asking another- if you knew that in the end all you would have would be Him, Jesus… would you still choose Him?
I want to say yes. I just need Him. But then I begin making a list of things I think I need to survive, to thrive, that I have rights to. And that list gets super long. When all along He is saying All you need is ME. And I will give you what you need.
His grace is sufficient… His free gift of salvation and life today is sufficient. It's enough. (read that "It's enough period")
I think that is what I am trying to say with all these words. I'm learning this. Seeing it taught to me. May I realize it. Live it. And walk in it daily.
As we trust Him.
Because He loves us.
Be His.
Grace.
The previous blog posted mentioned:
http://www.andreacollette.com/fluidity/2011/01/cleaning-house.html
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