There are moments here at Emmanuel that I wish I could just video as I see them in my head or heart so you could see them. There have been many this week.
The rainbow on the south side of the campus early one morning. As I sat on the laundry steps with my head girls and Elvia. As we prayed before we opened the doors for the girls to come out the rainbow just got more vibrant. And my phone and small camera couldn’t take it all in justly. Thankfully one of the FBCO team got it. And ironically I am in the photo trying to take a photo of it. Glory of and to God for his creation.
Moments this week of discussions with my girls. From the funny to the serious. The heartbreak of discussions and new understanding with my girls. Of the work that the Lord is doing here. Day by day, moment by moment. One girl in particular has captured my heart’s attention this week. We had a discussion Tuesday night and Wednesday just before I left to get team members in Tegucigalpa she told me she was angry and frustrated. I briefly spoke truth and love to her but had to go. When the bus drove by my yard I saw her with her head in her hands. I wanted to stop the bus and just sit and pray with her. Today we talked about it and I explained to her that we have to put things down. We are to lift them up to the Lord for Him to care for or set them down at His feet sometimes. He gives us burdens to bear but we often are just to turn around and lift them up to Him. We cannot do it on our own.
I have been sick this week. Monday my throat hurt and my head and it was just too much for my brain. Monday night two sweet friends in the volunteer house made dinner for me. Tuesday was a tad better but my throat hurt. Wednesday as I went to Tegucigalpa I felt worse and worse. And when I got home I skipped church to take drugs and go to bed. But the longer I laid in bed the more heavy my heart became to just ask someone to pray with me. Not for me, but for my girls, for my yard. So two roommates came in and I said can we please pray? We did. My body still felt terrible but I felt I had been obedient and my heart felt lighter. I just wanted sisters to join me in praying for God to work down there. I woke up Thursday feeling better. As the day went on ( I had to go to Tegucigalpa again) I continued to feel better and better. By the time I got home Thursday I felt like I could run a marathon (no. not really). Come to find out that two girls came in my room and prayed over me after I went to sleep the night before. And I know people at home were praying. So grateful for people who trust and believe and are not ashamed to walk in the way of people who pray. (did that last sentence even make sense?) Anyway….grateful for my roomies/housies.
Friday morning one of our big boys got his left hand cut open with a chainsaw. There is some discrepancy on how it happened from the stories I have heard. I think that the boy that had his hand cut open isn’t entirely sure what happened himself. He was working with one of our men cutting wood and the chainsaw bucked or something. One story is that the boy was trying to protect the man and stuck his hand between the man and the chainsaw. Either way…it was ugly. I was standing in the office when the radio started chattering/yelling. They needed a doctor in the clinic. Dr. Harper is here until Monday and he was standing about 40 yards from the clinic. And he had a radio and was saying “I am right here and it’s locked” So he started up the hill. Mommy had a nurse and the key and was on the way. It seemed that everyone arrived at the same time to the clinic. I ran out the office to make sure that the nurse I knew was nearby was there. She was so I went up to see if she needed help finding things. So we went in the clinic to find things needed and get set up for when they carried the boy in. I ended up getting to watch how God had arranged things… The drugs that had just arrived the day before with people, the sutures someone brought the day before from a veterinarian friend, the fact that Dr. Harper is here only from Thursday to Monday. It was a privilege to watch and hear them discuss some of this as time went by. At the end of it I just asked those in the clinic if we could please just stop and pray. If nothing else, I just wanted to thank the Lord and ask that He would keep the boy’s pain and infection less. My heart broke for him. He is the guy who usually goes with our driver to pick up teams in Tegucigalpa when I go in. He is funny and has a good heart. Blessing to watch how God took care of him.
And then I come to this point…the point I was at last night. After seeing all that I have seen this week, I just wish I could share with you how I feel and give you the reel of film that plays in my head. I see often how God takes care of these kids. How he protects us/them from so much here. The fact that I have 100 girls in my yard and there is so little drama/sickness etc. But I often see the darkness that exists here. I feel that I am continually fighting that unseen force that the bible speaks of. And I know it is not about me but I have felt this week that I have been personally fighting. Being sick has been a hindrance just to be able to love on my girls and at times speak to them…when one’s throat is on fire you just don’t want to talk. And I have been trying to get movies converted to go watch one with them last night. I found out about an hour before that the converter only did 10 minutes of the movie. Fail. So then I tried to get a new converter and such… it still hasn’t worked. But that’s just a small thing. And then last night my ears started hurting again, draining down my throat that has had mucus running down it for the past 2 days since my throat stopped hurting.
So last night I just felt done. Overwhelmed and weary of the fight. I needed to just voice this to a person outloud. I wanted to just be home for a minute so that I can sit with you and try to explain how much I love these girls and boys and how I want victory to reign in this place. How I want Satan (who is a butthead, but in the end defeated) to have no place here. No place, no voice in my girls lives. How I have seen God answer so many prayers this week yet I am begging Him to answer so many more…
Grateful for your prayers. Your partnership in the gospel. Grateful for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and how they work to bring glory, salvation, truth, freedom to each of us.
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