So do you ever feel like you really messed up? Like when you were really little and you did something wrong…running in the house like you were told not to for the 50 billionth time and you broke the lamp? So you hear your parent come in and you run hide. Like if you hide it will magically disappear? Yeeeaahhhh riiiiight.
Glad it's not like that with God. Oh wait. Sometimes we think it is. We hide. But God knows.
I learned something new last week. I have been trying to figure out how to talk about it. I am still not sure but I want to put it out there to start the discussion (if no where else- in your head).
I messed up. I did something I should not have done. And while I was doing it I was thinking…Andi, you need to stop. But I didn't. So what happened? I later felt terrible. Like I broke the lamp into a billion pieces and I couldn't fix it. But instead of hiding I called out to my Father in heaven and said "please say something." He did. Psalm 65 and 66 to be exact. (I encourage you to read it…you can stop now if you want and go read it).
But there was still a feeling of what I realized was shame. I know I am forgiven but I KNOW better. I should have never done it. And honestly I was still feeling dirty and sinful and like I couldn't get close up to God. Enter Beth Moore, Francis Chan, and my prayer partner. Over the next 2 days all three said exactly the same thing. And even used some of the same scriptures. And I finally figured it out. I had the wrong analogy….
You know the one where you are all muddy and dirty and your mom said "Don't you come in the house till you get hosed off and clean." That is what I feel our lives are like before we become christians. I understand that we get hosed off by Jesus in the yard when we invite Christ into our hearts as Lord and Savior and we get to go in the house. But what about when I get dirty next time? I gotta hose off myself before I can go in, right? Because I can't go in the house where God is all dirty and such. Well, I figured out that whole story is messed up.
Christ is my Righteousness. Now. Today. That I can come close because I am forgiven. Let God Almighty do the cleaning up. So I don't feel like I have to "fix" anything before I come in to the throne room. Otherwise how would I ever get close to the throne to receive mercy and grace? Hebrews 4:16. It's hard for me to say "I messed up, Lord, here I am, please take care of my mess." Because I feel like I should have to pay some sort of penance for what I did. I should feel bad for a time about it…
How I have gotten it all wrong. That my faults don't define me. His Truth does. HE does the work. I just get to be witness. Repentance is putting it down and walking away from it. Not putting it down and feeling shameful for x amount of days THEN feeling free. It's not about feelings…it's about Faith. Grace. Mercy. 1 Corinthians 1:18-25
Hope that makes sense. And thanks for letting me share.
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